Recently I was approached by a very nice woman who wanted to visit my studio as she and her husband had recently built a house and she wanted some Art.  Well, she had certainly come to the right place.  I have Art.  Rather a lot of it after a recent exhibition where sales had been a little lean.

As all my available work is currently at a Gallery out of town I sent her some images via email.

She wrote back excitedly saying she had her eye on a big one but just had to run it by her husband who was currently out of town.  She’d get back to me.

I froze.  

My most recent experience of husbands getting involved with choosing artwork had not ended happily.  ‘Dance Steps for Men’ was rejected by a husband (who I assumed couldn’t dance) after his poor wife had come from out of town to see it and almost had the picture hook nailed into her living room wall in anticipation.  

When I met my darling man 1000 years ago and our relationship had advanced to being invited to his flat – I very quickly decided that if things progressed and one day we lived under the same roof – I would choose the roof, and pretty much everything that went under it.

Not that his flat was disgusting – it was tidy, he had lots of houseplants but his choice of what hung on his picture hooks (or blutack in his case) would not have been mine.

When eventually we did choose a roof I was surprised by how much involvement he assumed he would have in the interior design.  Clearly, I had to get to work.  

I discovered the power in a long pause after an idea is presented.  An emphatic NO is not always necessary if the pause is delivered correctly.  It has to be given with time so that it appears you’re considering his suggestion and then….. slowly and deftly….. followed by a turn of the head to convey you’re considering other options.  

Then, and this is genius… you turn your head BACK AGAIN, as if you’re weighing up his idea again against the options and then, taking a step back SLOWLY -  as if you haven’t quite made up your mind, you come through with the only real option – your idea.  

However, and this is crucial.  You present your idea as a question and NEVER start off by saying “I think….”  (If you say “I think….” You might as well paint the walls black and live in a cave – it’s game over.)  

You start by asking him the question, as if you’re a little unsure, it’s just occurred to you, crazy as it may seem… but…. “What do you think of….. ?”  He will now pause and consider the question and it is now that you start to sell him the advantages. 

He begins to see you know what you’re talking about and all he needs to utter is an “mmmm …” and you have him.  At this point, you must wait for him to restate what you’ve just told him, but in his words, and then you finish off with “Yes, I think you’re right!”  Done – mission accomplished!

If for some reason, he stands his ground and persists with his idea you have to gently guide him to the garage and tell him to fill his boots in there.

It’s a little like potty training you’re littlies.  You have to invest time, maybe even bribe and beguile but if you don’t take charge and take these steps early on, you risk a life of motorbikes or fish on the wall and one day you could be standing in a gallery staring at a painting you love, seeing it being part of your life forever and he’ll come and rain all over your parade – not to mention the poor Artist’s!!

So, what happened to the woman who had to run the selection of Art for her new home by her husband?  He didn’t like it!!  Woe is her.  She hadn’t done the groundwork in the early years and now goodness knows what will hang on their wall – not one of my paintings, clearly!!

My darling man has free range over his underwear, his wardrobe (conditions apply), and his office.  I did once buy him an expensive pair of jeans for his birthday.  He looked incredibly attractive in them but unfortunately, he wore a hole through them within a year.  We took them to be mended, but it didn’t hold, and eventually, they had to go in the rag pile.  Obviously, rich husbands have more than one pair of nice jeans, and they last longer – or perhaps their butts are less pointy or abrasive.

Anyway, in service to Artists who are just trying to sell their work to people who will love seeing them hanging in their homes forevermore.  Women – young women – DO THE GROUNDWORK!! PLEASE!!

Come and join me in my Facebook group – The Upbeat Artists.  Full of supportive, generous artists.  I have free tutorials in there and loads of gorgeous work and goodies.

Or come and follow me on Instagram.