Last week I started 7 new paintings of various sizes. I’ve been loosely piling the paint on and building up the layers to set the foundation for a rich surface. This is how I start all my paintings and it’s a stage I usually enjoy. The stakes are low, I know most of what I’m doing will probably be covered by further layers of paint, so I don’t really bother to engage the brain to create anything pretty. However, this time the whole process has been turned on its head. For one thing, I’m not really enjoying it and I’m trying to deduce the reasons for my lack of enthusiasm.

It’s cold. Winter is here in all it’s wetness. As I write this now the sky is a light shade of grey and rain is driving forcibly to the ground. My darling pet goats are huddled in their shed looking cold and forlorn as they face another afternoon without the sun on their back and having to regularly shake the drips off their damp coats. This sort of weather just makes you want to go back to bed. So that’s one reason I haven’t been leaping with joy into the studio.

I’ve been busy with other projects and even though they are drawing to a timely close, it’s left me tired. I’ve been chasing my tail for months. I’d quite like to put everything on pause for a week and then step back into the rigors of my daily routine. I wouldn’t change anything, I love what I choose for myself; but that’s another possible reason.

But there is another one that perplexes me. In these paintings I have chosen colours which are muted and not the palette I usually use. These colours are made from mixing lots of colours together. They are various shades of mud, clay, grey with some lovely warm yellows and golds, soft blues and blue-greys, and a range of olive greens. They’re quite delicious and subtle. Usually my paintings start bright with strong value contrasts and my job is to find subtelty while retaining the strength. But now I have all the subtelty in the world and I guess my job is to find the strength in the design. I’m OK with that, this is slightly unorthodox for me, but I reckon I can do it.

My bigger problem is that whatever I do with these colours the painting looks quite good – mostly. There is still a lot of refining to be done, but usually at this stage of development my paintings are quite gaudy and remind me of a child’s untidy playroom, or to be even more blunt – a dog’s breakfast. Now, I’m only a few layers in and I like what I see. That IS a problem.

I haven’t built up enough surface yet, there aren’t the lumps and bumps that compel you to run your hand over the surface and touch it. In parts I can still see the gesso – it’s like seeing someone’s knickers when they should be tucked away. You can’t go out with your gesso showing!!

So instead of applying paint to hide the brashness of bright colours and take the painting to a more mature state, I have to mess up these pretty girls, get them ugly so they can emerge into their full sophisticated glory. If you know what I mean? If I was to finish them now, it would be like putting make-up on a 10 year old. They haven’t done their time. I want the surface to have depth and hidden history; a few wise wrinkles or lines that hint at the process they have undergone in order to emerge as they are. The viewer must be drawn in to come close and have a new experience when they stand a foot away from the painting. We’re not there yet.

I see this in a lot of paintings, the design may be good, but the artist hasn’t been patient enough to keep the process going and going and give the painting time. He/she has been too quick to take it to its completion and as a result there is a thinness to the surface that on close inspection gives little more.

It’s important when your painting is at its gawky ugly stage to linger here for a while. Experiment at this stage, turn it on its head and don’t take it down one path to completion. Take it down a windy road, go off piste, down a few dead ends and then when the painting has several possibilities, choose your final road home. More paint means more richness in the end; more history, more stories and more depth. Don’t be afraid to linger in the ugly stage.

So, I’m heading back into the studio today to revel in awkwardness, see what sort of mess I can make with my gorgeous greys and golds. There will be no compass home today, I’m going to inflict some serious growing pains on these lovelies and cover up those gesso knickers.

If you would like to see these 7 paintings ‘grow up’ you can follow me on Instagram and come and join me in The Upbeat Artists Group.

If you would like to learn about my process and have me guide you through the development of 5 different abstract paintings, I have also just opened my course STARTS for a July intake. After this course, you will never ask yourself again “What shall I paint now?” or “How should I start this painting?”. You will have a plethora of techniques to draw from to produce Art YOUR WAY! Learn more about it here.