When I was growing up there was no such thing as a ‘why’. Well, we didn’t know we all had one or at least there was no drive to examine our motives and find out. I remember doing quite a lot of motive examination directed by the nuns – but I always fell short and found myself counting down to the next confessional to cleanse my soul.
I think the sort of why the nuns were seeking was more aligned with why can’t you do better? Figuring out what gives you a deep sense of satisfaction and wellbeing would have been seen as hedonistic and requiring a few licks of the strap!
I’m sure all this paint dabbling might have been worthy of a sitting with Father Whoever in the confessional and a few rounds of an Our Father afterwards. I mean who am I serving other than myself when I jiggle to my favourite tunes, play with colours and marks and stand back and proclaim loudly that ‘I LIKE IT’. Honestly, when I was young I thought that if I somehow painted for HIS GLORY my efforts might be rewarded. So, I painted fruit. Well, HE made them didn’t he?
I didn’t see any rewards stacking up at the time, in fact in my eyes all my efforts fell short in some way. But that didn’t take away from the fact that I loved the process – the sense of delight when I mixed delicious colours and the visceral joy when something lovely happened that I hadn’t expected. Oh and of course the pride when my mother, bless her would announce that I had ‘an eye’. I loved it, I loved it… I loved it.
That love, joy, and delight led me to Art School, but pragmatism took me to teaching. I had to earn a crust. I felt something of that love, joy and delight in the classroom when my students got excited about their work. And I definitely felt pride when they excelled at exam time. But ultimately I was steering them along a prescribed path to a set goal. Was I setting them free to explore their own path? No, I guess I was equipping them with skills so that they could dig deeper if their passions were aroused. (They were teenagers and any arousal of passions I’m sure didn’t happen in my classroom – except when I brought out the clay and on every desk would be a discreet or not so discreet phallus on display!!)
For most of this time I wasn’t doing MY Art. I had ‘an eye’ and if I didn’t use it and realise it’s potential there would be questions to answer on my day of reckoning! I was curious. Left to my devices, what could I make and how far could I progress? I REALLY wanted to know. So that’s WHY I took it upon myself 4 years ago to find out. I want to turn the pages and see what I can do. It’s an exciting read and I can hardly wait for the next chapter.
So why do I teach? Why don’t I just put my head down and paint and paint and paint… surely I’ll rip through the chapters faster. Over this past year there have been times when I’ve asked this honestly.
Last week I experienced my WHY in quite a marvelous way.
My teaching online started as a pragmatic pivot in response to COVID early in 2019. My partners work is in tourism and suddenly the virus turned off that tap. But now a year later my why is so much more than that.
The women who took my Fix & Finish course at the end of last year decided when it finished in December that they still wanted to meet up to discuss their work, and to support each other. After 8 weeks together doing the course the final zoom call was almost a tearjerker, so instead of saying ‘Goodbye’ they all said ‘Seeyalater’.
Last week they had their second meetup online, connecting from all over the world and they chatted for almost 2 hours. They all speak the same language – they talk about ‘ants feet’ and know what it means in relation to their work. They talked about their future plans and encouraged each other in such a generous way it almost brought me to tears as I watched the recording of the call.
Why did it move me so? Because it happened as a result of my painting and my teaching. When I saw this call I felt I was fully aligned with my purpose. My selfish pursuit of joy and delight in paint and marks has a ripple effect and is benefitting others in ways I could never have imagined. I think when you uncover the thing that lights you up whatever that is, the light bounces around a bit and shines into others lives, giving them permission or allowing them to see that they can find their little bit of light too.
Goodness me, this is sounding a bit deep. Anyway, it’s all a bit heady. But I feel so humbled and like I’ve somehow hit on a lucky star to be in a position to help others get clear and confident about their painting. To see others getting jiggy with joy in their studio. Perhaps after painting all that fruit I’m getting my reward.
I’m really excited to be planning the launch of the next Fix & Finish class and to meet the next intake. I will be kicking it off on April 8, straight after Easter. If you’d like to learn how to navigate your way through to the finish line with your paintings without getting stuck, and what those ants’ feet are all about, register your interest and I’ll be in touch.
It’s my greatest pleasure.