I have a confession to make. I’m a complete scaredy-cat. I’ve just come back from a week down in Queenstown with the family. Queenstown is renowned for its scenic beauty, being ‘party-central’, and for its activities.
You can gently cruise on the lake sipping wine and watching your lunch being cooked under your very nose, or you can hurl yourself off the edge of a cliff or high bridge attached to a bungy and get dunked in the fast-flowing river beneath you. The latter was of course completely out of the question, but I enjoyed watching the young and fearless screaming and howling as they ‘enjoyed’ their thrill.
I did have the opportunity to go on a helicopter up to a peak and back again. My kids and my Darling Man did it, but I couldn’t. When my daughter started to get cold feet I joined in the chorus of “You’ll be fine…. They wouldn’t go up If they thought it wasn’t safe… “
When they eventually returned jubilant from the experience, rating it as the top activity of the week, I felt pretty stink. Missed out again.
I wish so much that I was brave.
When it comes to painting I do consider myself to be somewhat of a risk taker however. But this is different – my life isn’t at stake.
The reason I can liberally hurl the paint over areas that are not quite right, for the greater good of the painting is that I do firmly believe that any loveliness I’ve managed to create, I can do again. It may not be exactly the same, but I know that at some stage I will get excited about the work in the same way, and it’ll be better. Basically, I trust my process implicitly.
Another confession: when I stepped into the studio yesterday on our return and looked at my 4 large paintings leaning against the wall, I felt slightly anxious. How can I move them forward? how can I find some clarity? Can I actually do this?
I recognize this voice of doubt. It used to chime in my ear almost constantly a few years ago. Now though, I’m battle-ready. Well, I know this foe and I know I’ve defeated her before. I just need to keep her silenced or at least on low volume until I can get into the studio.
Tomorrow morning my plan is to rise early and catch her by surprise. I will fall back into my painting ritual – filling my bucket, boiling the kettle for my cup of herbal tea, making up my pallet, choosing my podcast…
There will be no giveaway signs of nervousness. I will look assured, calm and brimming with self-belief. She will assume her watchful position but I will give her no cause for hope.
All the time I am putting out my paint, assessing my next moves I will be looking for marks, areas, colour combinations that I love and I’ll be fanning the flames within. By the time I start putting paint on canvas I will be burning with belief and excited at the prospect of what is to come. What will I discover today?
I will turn and look for my enemy, but she will be gone. Fearlessly I will forge ahead, jigging to my music, unaware of time until my bowl of muesli and fruit start calling loudly and my creative energy is spent.
Part of being prepared for attack is to thoroughly debrief after an assault and glean imperative intelligence from the encounter.
Question: How did the enemy gain entry?
Answer: I started to concern myself with the outcome of my large paintings. Instead of focussing on the parts that I loved that are on the canvas now, I started to think about what I was going to turn the painting into. I tried to gaze into the proverbial crystal ball. She gained an advantage with my lack of knowledge and starting speaking and confirming that doubt. When the conversation was around the outcome I had no answer.
How did I gain dominance? I fortified myself with what I knew – my process. It has consistently delivered results beyond my expectations and I knew this was my strength. When I focussed entirely on what was before my eyes I had all the supremacy.
This intelligence I must remember and guard myself against future attacks. As long as there’s not a bungy or a helicopter as part of her arsenal my stronghold will remain.
All joking aside. On February 11, 2021 I’m doing a free Webinar where I will talk about my process of producing Abstract Art and finding your style with freedom and excitement without the anxiety about results. If you are facing a similar foe in your studio sign up for the webinar and get some serious strategic implementation actions to defeat that voice of doubt.